destruction - 11.23.2009 - creation

*** 7:10 pm ***

- beggaring the young -

when will we stand up for ourselves? why are we letting a generation of old politicians benefit themselves at our expense? why do we support a health bill that shifts the costs for their benefits onto later generations?

why aren't you paying attention? why aren't you doing something about it?

oh, right, you don't care about politics. you don't vote. i hope you got some lube.

*** 11:12 am ***

- keep yourself open to new opportunities -

couples: Learn to be more realistic about your hopes and goals for your relationship. Couples can't expect to live life like a romantic comedy. Let common sense be your guide.

as you know, baby and i split. we still hang out, still make out, still have a good time together, but we're through as a couple. we don't have a long-term goal or destination. if something better comes along, we'll chase it.

she's not the only person with whom i spend time. al was over saturday for dinner and rock band. i intend to have her over again, either with a group or on her own. nothing physical has happened yet, and maybe it won't ever happen. at some point i'll make some noise about dating, but the more i think about it the less likely it seems. there's some distance between us and i can't tell why. i hold back and she's removed. though i was more relaxed around her saturday. that's a good sign.

last night lw came over. we had dinner (leftovers from saturday) and watched a movie (bullitt). we also had great sex. she has much less experience than i do (and i'm not exactly mr. get-around), but she enjoys it more than anyone else has. again, not a long-term relationship, nothing emotional going on here, but it's pleasant and fun when we have the time. that we can do more than just screw is a good sign. i don't know that i'll bring her into my usual circle of friends, but maybe in time if she wants it.

we talk about kinky things we like or think we might like, and i think this thing with her is an exploration of some of those. how for we will go is unclear, but the potential is impressive. last night we got to talking about bondage and she mentioned being bound and gagged a couple weeks ago. this guy just ties her up and abuses her. they haven't had sex (i'm not sure whether there's a "yet" there), but she gets off on the pain so it seems to work for her. i'm not sure i can offer that anymore. i've rid myself of the rage and bitterness that lead to abuse and degradation in previous relationships, and i've no desire to bring it back. ultimately it requires a lack of respect for my partner, or at least a target for whom my partner is a stand-in, and i don't have those feelings anymore.

that's my social/sex life in a nutshell right now. i'm on a dating website with the intention of meeting more females, but at this point i'm more inclined to consider them friends than lovers. pursue them as friends. whether anything comes of that we'll see. i'm so not prepared for a serious relationship that anything goes, or not.

*** 6:49 am ***

- you're a star -

track shoes

regret - 11.23.2009 - blame