destruction - 07.04.2009 - creation

*** 10:59 am ***

- next in line -

lovescope: Intellectual discussions with friends prove more stimulating than usual. With today's astral energy your mind is especially quick and insightful, and you may learn more than you would have thought. Communication with your current love interest flows quickly and easily, and a lot of previous misunderstandings could be cleared up. Take your beloved one out for a really nice dinner, then spend the rest of the evening browsing in a bookstore. Enjoy!

were i willing to overlap relationships again, i would have made a move on all last night. i like her, she's attractive, and i'm interested in what could happen between us. she's quiet, but she seems deeper than what i know. our views are just different enough i think we'd challenge each other, and i think we'd encourage each other's creativity. and i don't see us fighting. though i don't see her fighting with anyone. she holds it in then argues in private, i think. i'm not sure whether she lets stuff fester, but she isn't prone to public emotion. i might challenge that, because i sure as hell am.

i have to acknowledge that i'm a wreck and not capable of a healthy, long-term relationships now. probably not good at short-term ones. it's not a good time for me to pursue a friend, and i worry that having sex will wreck the friendship. though maybe not. i suppose it depends on the ending. if we end well, as i am with baby, we won't have regrets or resentment. if we end ugly, like it did with a or the n. we'll won't know each other afterwards. though frankly, i'm ok with that. i can lose people. more are out there.

*** 10:36 am ***

- hot list -

astrocenter: Today you might have fun circulating among groups, star. If you have a chance to network and to introduce yourself to others, you could attract some positive attention. Keep extra business cards on hand so that you can give them to possible new leads. Allow that natural charisma to shine through! You might generate some new business contacts, or romantic interests. It's a great time to connect with clients and other hot prospects!

i like hot prospects. i don't yet need clients, but maybe i'll spread the word about boy's music. it'd be better if i had a url to which i could refer them. that would be helpful. promote this bitch.

today i'm going to my friend's lake house. i'm gonna be on a boat (motherfucker!). the forecast is for rain in the morning and scattered thunderstorms in the afternoon. perfect boating weather.

there was talk about sleeping over, but that much rain might cause early departures. maybe me too, since i've been up so late every night. i'll need to stop for coffee on the way back, though, since i'm so tired. ok now, but i'm not getting enough sleep. instead of a restful break lone this has been a crazy weekend. i've been off work since noon thursday, and even wednesday night felt like the weekend because baby wasn't here. except i spent that trying to get my laptop to stop fucking me.

yes, i had problems with my lap. ha ha.

we'll see how meeting people goes. i'll know most of them, or at least i'll have met them before. my friend's a few years younger than me, and his friends are all about his age. it's mostly couples, too. i maybe the only gut to visit his place without taking a date. maybe next time.

so this probably isn't a meeting potential dates situation, though i'll still try to present myself as best i can just in case. it's always good to look attractive. you never know who's watching, or who they know. maybe i'm "just right" for someone's cousin or barber.

*** 12:40 am ***

- all's well that ends well -

i'm twisted. part of the problem is the lack of contact. not talking to people and hanging out, not having good conversations, but physical contact. i come from a family that wasn't very affectionate, didn't show appreciation for each other well, and as a result i crave a lot of it. when i'm single i start getting jittery and anxious around people i find attractive. it probably sounds horribly desperate, and maybe it is. i'm always walking this line where i'm not sure what i can get away with. i don't want to ruin a friendship by misreading something.

example: my friend came over tonight, the only one who could hang out, and we had dinner and listened to music for a few hours. we talked and had a good time, and when she got tired she left. that's cool, that's what friends do, but i kept catching myself looking at her and wondering what if. i've been on my own since tuesday and i already miss physical contact. even a hug would have helped, but i couldn't even manage that. it doesn't help that i've had a crush on this girl for a while, mostly because she's unattainable. not that she's out of reach but that i've been in a relationship as long as i've known her. now i'm kind of worried about what i'll do when i'm single. i don't want to wreck the friendship.

*** 12:27 am ***

- somethin' else -

birthstone rings

regret - 07.04.2009 - blame